Monday, January 18, 2010

Too much thinking going on

Being an overthinker has always been a major flaw in my overall makeup. Before marriage and baby my overthinking was entirely about me. What was I going to be when I grew up? Did my butt look big? Did so and so notice me? When I met Seth my overthinking was all about him. Does he think my butt looks big? Does he notice how much I don't call him in hopes that he will call me? Does he love me enough to marry me? Now there is the overthinking of motherhood that pretty much takes the cake on ANY other thinking about anything I might have done in my entire life. In one day here are my questions:

How do I know how sick she is if she is smiling through the snot and cough?
At what point do you call the pediatrician, or worse, choose the "this is an emergency" option on the automated service?
Is she getting sick because I stopped breast feeding? Is it really building her immune system to get sick or do people just tell you that to make you feel better?
When is she going to get teeth? I mean, could she really be a toothless wonder for much longer?
Why isn't she crawling? Is it because she just isn't interested? Is it because we don't put her on her tummy enough? Or is she just not ready?
Does it make her anywhere near as happy as it makes me when she looks me straight in the face and gets closer and closer to my face until our noses touch and we both laugh?
How will I ever be able to express to her just what she means to me?

There are no books that have answers to these questions. Yes, there are books. There are countless books that claim to know it all and teach it all. BUT, there is nothing that gives me the answers when I need them in the way that I need them. I just have to suck it up, wait until the overthinking subsides, and deal with whatever I can at that moment. It's a good thing she's so darn cute because that totally helps.


  1. Nice blog! I found you by clicking on the "next blog button."

  2. You are a great mom! By the way I don't think Lila thinks your butt looks big!


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