Saturday, April 11, 2009

Done and done

I am officially ready to not be pregnant anymore. I mean, of course I don't want the baby to come before IT is totally ready. BUT, for the record, I am done. On the other hand, I have realized that people in general are WAY nicer to you when you are pregnant. This may only be the case when you are at the super huge level of pregnancy that I am at where you are walking like someone kicked you in the crotch, your huge maternity clothes are too tight, you have no makeup on, and your hair looks like CRAP because you just can't be bothered.

For example, I went to the place I hate the most out of all places in the world today...Walmart. Especially the Walmart in Tucker. I consider myself to be a very open minded person who welcomes diversity. However, when you go to this Walmart the drastic differences in cultures across the board are so evident it's like walking into a wind tunnel. You can't figure out which lady is screaming at which kid because there are so many little kids running around frantically and so many different languages going on at once. You can't possibly entertain the idea of using a cart because you may as well just spend the night at that point. There are so many people with so little regard for other people it makes you hate the world. Add in the extra 100 or so people that work there that are useless and you have a recipe for mass chaos at every turn.

Not today though! If someone saw me coming, they moved aside. Even the little kids were shuffled out of the way as I tried to make my way down an aisle. I had three employees ask me if I needed help finding something. I wanted to buy refills for my razor and in the razor section all they had was the razor with the refills. So I thought maybe they had some at the front on an end cap or something and I just headed that way. Regardless of how astonishingly smooth this trip to Walmart was going, I have already mentioned that I am over it. I decided if I left without refills it really wouldn't matter. I walk up to an empty register and the cashier sees the bewildered look on my face and asks me what I am looking for. I tell her and she runs and gets them! She leaves her lane, trots off somewhere, and returns with my razor blade refills. I am dumbfounded. I thank her eight times and make the trek to my car.

As you can imagine, the parking lot alone would deter most people from setting foot in this Walmart. I actually got a pretty decent parking spot somehow. I unload my junk into my car while two cars are in the process of leaving me about 6 inches to back out in as they fight over my spot even though I am not even in my car yet. I look around to see that the thingy where you put your cart (yes I got a cart) is pretty far away. I shrug my shoulders at the two cars and begin to slowly waddle to the thingy (anybody know what those things are called?). A man and his son come running up behind me and the man asks me if he can take my cart to the thingy! I again am overly thankful and walk back to my car thinking about how in God's name I am ever going to exit this place.

SO, either the stars aligned and the Walmart in Tucker did a 180 upswing, or being over 8 months pregnant may as well be the same as wearing a sign that says "be way nicer to me than you normally would".

PS - One thing that is ironic to me is that when I was not pregnant I felt like every parking space in the world said "for expectant mothers". Now, they are nowhere to be found. Funny how that works.


  1. I laughed out loud at your post! I was totally there a few months ago. I was so big and uncomfortable and hot all the time, even though it was December! (For the record, we did have record high temperatures this December, but that is beside the point!) It won't be long and you'll be holding your precious bundle of joy and getting only 2 1/2 hours of sleep at a time. It won't be long now, it just seems that way!

  2. this was great! i have been to that walmart before and can totally understand... besides that whole 8 mos pregnant thing! you are so funny jana!!


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