Thursday, August 20, 2009

Never enough

There's just never enough time. Never enough time to spend with my child/husband. Never enough time to be the teacher I want to be. Never enough time to play with the dogs who are currently SO love deprived. Never enough time to sleep.

I always believed when I had kids I would be a stay at home mom. I just figured it would work out no matter what. Obviously, that has not been the case. I have a seriously intense new found respect for working mothers. I am going to flat out admit that I have judged them in the past. Women who wanted to climb the corporate ladder while someone else raised their kids kind of unnerved me. That's how I felt until I worked for one of those women. Granted, she worked from home while I nannied for her, but she made me see that you can be the most amazing mom and work at the same time. HOWEVER, I still felt in my heart that staying at home is where I would end up. Now that I am a working mom I am constantly finding myself wishing there was A LOT more time. There's just not enough.

While I'm whining, I also feel like there's never enough money. I am convinced I should be a lottery winner. I would make the smartest, most creative, most intelligent decisions about how to spend 170 million dollars. Seriously, I have a plan just in case it ever happens. I mean, I get that the extremely rural people that usually win need it more than I do. But, don't you think just once the average joe like me should win every once in a blue moon? I do. I know I sound really shallow right now. It's late, I worked until 9 o'clock tonight, I saw Lila for a total of an hour today, and I'm super tired. Sue me if I like to nightdream about winning the lottery, quitting my job, and spending beautiful days at the park with my little one. Someday...

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