Monday, June 29, 2009

And the mommy guilt continues...

Ok so I never knew becoming a mom came with an assortment of guilty feelings about an assortment of things. I'm really good at talking myself in and out of feeling a certain way about all aspects of my life from work all the way to caring for my dogs. You could say my brain is basically in constant battle over shoulda, coulda, woulda, still shoulda, maybe still coulda, wished I woulda, BLA, BLA, BLA. I am the queen of being indecisive. I am a pro at weighing pros and cons and then weighing them again, and then going back to the first list and starting over. I know...don't you wish you were me? At any rate, knowing this about myself, how could I NOT have known that providing all of the care for a very small, very needy, and incredibly perfect child would not riddle me with a whole host of new things to be conflicted about?

So I pose this question to you. How early is too early to leave your child for a weekend with grandmothers or maybe an aunt? When I was pregnant there was a conversation about the oh so popular Georgia vs. Florida weekend amongst my friends. Every year in October we head to the largest outdoor cocktail party to partake in the rivalry. It started our freshman year when everyone, and I mean everyone we knew, went to Jacksonville and stayed at Vince's parents house. People slept on the floor, by the pool, on the trampoline, and under the dining room table (no lie). I mean, we were freshman, and it was free, and Vince's parents loved us. They made sure we were safe and we had a blast. We have since graduated to staying in a very swanky and enormous house in St. Simons where almost everyone has a bed, we can walk to the beach, and meals are catered (no lie). It's all inclusive. Each person pays a set price and you don't have to worry about a thing. It truly is very adult of us which is good since we are all pushing thirty now, if not right on it. I LOVE this weekend. Proof of this would be that I went last year a couple months pregnant, paid the price and didn't drink a drop of alcohol that was included in the price. Instead, I drove people to the game and watched and laughed at my friends. That's how much I LOVE GA/FL weekend.

Initially I thought, "of course we will go this year". I hadn't really though twice about it until today. The email went out from my friend Eric that he sends every year outlining what the plan is and what the cost is and when we have to let him know if we are coming or not. Seth and I started talking about it and we both seem to feel more conflicted than we thought. The conversation amongst my friends that I mentioned earlier was the idea that we could actually bring the baby (again, I was pregnant when we discussed this) to St. Simons. At the time we joked and talked about it and it sounded like a possibility. I actually think if other people had kids and more than one baby or child was going in our group I would be all for it. But right now we are the only ones that go on this trip that have had a baby and it now seems silly to me that we even contemplated bringing her.

So the big question is, could we leave her for a three day weekend at five months old? Would we have fun or would we be stressed, worried, and nervous the whole time? I have always felt that my children will be around their grandparents and relatives as much as I can make it happen. I want Lila to feel like going to grandma's (or Grammy and ViVi's as we will be calling them) is so common an occurrence that she doesn't think twice about it. Of course I would want her to miss me, but not so much that she couldn't be ok for a couple of days. I know at this age she won't remember it anyway. I also know that both grandmothers, if they are available, would LOVE nothing more than to spend so much time with her. I guess there is just a lot of apprehension for some reason....again I am plagued by indecisive feelings. Unfortunately, I can't linger on this. This weekend is a first come first serve deal and we have to pay half up front. So once we commit, we won't be backing out. Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill here? We are going to be leaving her for a weekend at some point. Shouldn't it be for something we both really want to do?


  1. You're going to have to leave her at some point and maybe knowing exactly when that day is will help you cope with it. I think she'll be ok at 5 months with her grandparents. Besides- it's important to have time with your husband as well and will probably make you a better parent when you are able to get away for a weekend. I say go for it! ;) And stop feeling guilty- you're a great mommy!

  2. In our experience, we waited FAR too long to leave our little ones over night, and still haven't had anyone willing to watch them for a weekend, so I say, go, enjoy yourself and you will be a better parent for it afterwards!

  3. We're going to Vegas in a few weeks and leaving Ansley with my parents. I was torn about it too, but I think it is the right decision for us. It will only get harder to leave her. I know I will be sad but hopefully I'll be busy enough to not think about it ALL the time. Best wishes with your decision! I know you'll make the right one, no matter what you choose.

  4. So you don't really know me but I'm Seth's cousin and he just gave me your blog address. Hope you don't mind my two cents but seriously go and have a good time. I left both of my babies at 5 or 6 months for a weekend. I think it's hard to see when they are just newborns but by that point you need a break and both you and your husband need time to recoup and be together. Hope you don't mind me sticking my nose in. And you have a beautiful daughter!

  5. Brings back so many memories of college and crashing at the Catalano's for the weekend. I miss those days and I miss going to GA/FL.... I think you won't regret going and you'll know Lila is in good hands.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...