In the month leading up to Christmas I took a planned hiatus from blogging. I knew I was pregnant, sick, and needing a break. I knew I needed to be more present in my own life. The planned hiatus became more of a break than I anticipated for various reasons. One, I stayed sick. Be it baby sick, stomach bug, or a hateful cold it all stuck around like a cloud of nasty I kept wishing away. Two, I felt sort of relieved. For months I'd been trying to "be a real blogger". Somehow I got this notion that a real blogger means a certain sort of thing. It means you have beautiful, staged photography or mood boards that are Pinterest worthy. It means you write, create, photograph, and repeat. It means you have giveaways weekly and sponsors and a whole host of other things I probably don't even know exist. It means you use Twitter, like a lot.
I am not a photographer no matter how hard I try. I can't even seem to find the battery charger to my fancy, really expensive camera.
I tried to create a mood board or graphic or what have you. I tried lots of times. Then I just asked Meghan to do it because I suck at them.
I have a Pinterest problem. One might call it an addiction. Either way it's not the kind of helpful Pinterest problem where I suddenly know how to "get pinned". That just sounds naughty anyway.
And Twitter seems like a brilliant path to blogging growth. I just can't remember to actually tweet.
All of these things aside, I became discouraged. I took two wonderful classes with other wannabe bloggers. When I say "wannabe" I mean people, like me, who would like to make a living at this. I met brilliant, creative people. I learned a ton. I also learned it with so many other people I couldn't even keep them all straight. It became glaringly clear to me that blogging has become the most perfect example of being a needle in a haystack. Something began to nag at me that this love of writing was never going to be enough. I would guess that there are now more bloggers than there are people reading blogs religiously.
So why bother? Why keep up the dream? Maybe if it were years ago when I started blogging and I had jumped on the bandwagon for real back then it would have been worth it. That simply isn't the case.
So I decided to quit. I never really wanted to be a "blogger". I've really just wanted to be a writer. Blogging seemed like the platform to take my ideas of all the lovely people and make them bigger than life. It seemed like a place to make a difference because other bloggers have done that for me.
Now I'm not so sure. Let's just say I'm teetering on uncertainty.
HOWEVER, I'm not really ready to quit. Throwing in the towel seems like giving up on something I used to really adore. For now I've decided to let my admirations be my guide. People like Glennon and my new favorite, Kelly, are the examples of bloggers making a difference that I need to embrace.
For those who do read Isn't She Lovely and look forward to what's said here I thought you might want to know where I'm at. I'm back at the place where I'm just going to write because that's what fuels my creativity.