Friday, September 13, 2013

How Not to Exercise With Your Two Year Old

Seth has diligently been exercising. We both go in phases of being really on top of our fitness. Usually we overlap some, but these days he is a kettle bell professional...while I sometimes watch him doing it from the couch. Don't judge. This is a place where we don't judge! He even takes the videos and the kettle bells when he goes out of town for work. Mad props to my husband.

After entirely too much time knowing he has been doing this while I do nothing, I decided to give it a go. It hasn't been that long since I was diligently exercising. I fell off the wagon. How hard could it be?

I tried to get Evie on board before it even started. She just kept asking if we were going to watch Dora or Caillou. The instructor lady is as irritating as Caillou, but Evie wasn't convinced this "new show" would be worth watching. Off she went to get a snack while I got things started.

I should note that Evie eats all day. I used to be concerned about this, but she's two. I don't keep unhealthy snacks around. Therefore, I began to realize that I was becoming afraid of her overdosing on cherry tomatoes. Can we say pick your battles? Anyway, I held out hope that she would snack and play while I did this thirty minute video.

Here's how it went down:

I know she's not my two year old, but I hit our dog Molly with the kettle bell twice. Apparently she doesn't appreciate me taking time out to get fit either because she would not leave me alone. Maybe she thought the kettle bell was attacking me. It probably looked that way.

I also accidentally tripped Evie and cheddar bunnies went flying around my living room. No, cheddar bunnies are not healthy. No, we don't eat in the living room. Rules were breaking at a rapid pace.

Evie decided to change her own diaper. This actually went okay all things considered. She hadn't pooped so I saw this as a step toward potty training. That is until she used half of a container of wipes to wipe down her entire body. Is it bad my first thought was that we could maybe skip bath time?

At the beginning of set two Evie reappeared in only a pull up with a new bag of bunnies. She also refused to pick up the previous bag of bunnies. I contemplated letting Molly back inside to eat them clean them up, but I realized this whole exercising thing was taking entirely too long as it was.

I spent most of set two telling Evie that she could watch a show when Lila got home. I also spent most of set two becoming more and more sure I couldn't do set three. I started to actually let myself blame Evie as she sat quietly on the couch sucking down an applesauce pouch. Of course, at the moment when I could bail she sits quietly.

Evie spent set three bringing me canned goods and baby dolls for a picnic. She yelled at me to stop "playing with the ball" while I tried not to vomit.

Lessons learned:

I am out of shape.

A thirty minute workout video will take at least an hour if doing it in the presence of a two year old and a dog.

Someone could make their fortune creating a workout video where the thirty second or one minute breaks show cartoon characters doing something funny. Or cheddar bunnies could just flash across the screen and sing.

BTW, I have a mind bogglingly long list of brilliant ways that people could make millions. If you are fortunate enough to have lots of money and want to meet with me and discuss backing one of my ideas let me know.

Have a great weekend!


  1. I'm trying so hard not to spit laugh reading this in my office. Let's work on this cartoons + workout video idea - I have absolutely no money to back it.

  2. I haven't laughed this hard in a LONG time! This is hilarious (sorry), and the way you write it makes me feel like I'm a fly on the wall watching you, the "balls," Molly, and Evie. I'd love to hear your ideas! Don't have lots of money but who knows what we could do???


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