Holla Hump Day

Well hey! Sorry for the lag in blogging. Summer is simply taking over my life. For example, today we went to the children's museum, Chick-Fil-A (and it's playground), AND to the pool. My house is disgusting. I haven't seen Seth in days. This is my life.

AND, AAAAANNNNNNDDDDDD...

...I met Glennon.

It really happened.

Here's the thing. I have never in my entire life been the girl that needed to meet famous people. I have met some, and every time I just felt like shouting, "look! this person is not the coolest thing that ever happened. They are just a person". I'm not saying I wouldn't jump at the chance to meet a celebrity should they walk my way. I just don't seek it out.

And then there's Glennon.

I'm not sure what the deal is. I tried to explain it to Seth, and I couldn't. I actually felt ridiculous trying to make sense of it to him. At the end of the day, all I can say is that she has been an immense inspiration for me. As a mother, as a writer, as a woman...I am just overwhelmed with the feeling that she has started something that will change the way women treat each other. Momastery is something I am so proud of and I don't even know her.

I went to her book signing last night for Carry On Warrior with a few friends. I was nervous that she would be hard to relate to in person. I was afraid all of this big stuff happening to her had effected her in that getting some fame kind of way. What actually happened is that I became even more impressed by her ability to move a crowd...in person and on the "interwebs" as she calls them.

All of this is well and good and lovely. Unfortunately, when I actually met her and hugged her and watched her sign my book I didn't say a word. I started crying and then just sort of stood there like a nervous child.

These days I am like a bomb of tears about to explode. It's just what it is. The problem is, once the flood gates open I seriously can't get control quickly. There are no two or three tears and then I'm done. It becomes a heaving, trying to catch my breath, ugly cry every time sort of problem. There is a small window where I can catch myself and not truly let the bomb go off. But, I can't talk to anyone about anything or there's no chance of stopping it. So, I hugged her and tried to suck it all in and then walked away. She knows though. She knows that things can be hard and sometimes the words are too hard to say as well. I didn't have to explain.

This week's shout outs go to...

...Josie and Kim for going with me to the book signing...and for always being so supportive of my little blog. I wouldn't have even known Glennon was coming to Atlanta if it wasn't for Josie. Also, as I walked away after meeting Glennon and Kim took her turn, I think I heard Kim say, "I'm just so glad Jana got to meet you". Big hugs to you girls for the love and support.

...Seth for doing my super glamorous second job for me even though he then had to drive to Savannah. He may not have understood my desire to meet her, but he understood it was important to me and that's all that matters.

...Glennon for keeping it real and really making a difference.

Love them

Someday I will see them live. I might politely tell them in a loud manner that they are not finished if they don't do Billie Jean. Regardless, I would say seeing them is on the bucket list, but that would be an understatement really. I just have to figure out how to make it happen before they randomly break up again. 

This one's their most recent song...creepy is a good word for it. Sometimes eery music is simply the very best.

Enjoy. 

Holla Hump Day

Being that I didn't really do a post about the father of my children on Father's Day, I would like to use this Holla Hump Day post to gush about my one and only.

I have been down in the dumps. It happens. Father's Day plus extenuating circumstances just sort of did me in for a few days. I think Seth is getting used to this. I think when these bouts come at me like a slap to the face he now knows how to roll with it and reign in the crazy. Not that he didn't know before. It's just that grief is a big, winding, biotch of a learning curve.

Anyway, after a date night on Sunday where I dropped my basket in the middle of dinner at a fancy schmancy sushi place, I knew things were about to get ugly. Crying in public is not my gig. Especially ugly crying where you might snort and you for sure look like you need the Heimlich maneuver. Pretty sure I was six the last time that kind of crying happened for me in public. I'm not saying there are people who like to do this. I'm merely pointing out that some people tolerate certain things much better than others. I'm not big on PDA either.

SO, when Monday took a quick downward spiral as well Seth came home early. He made dinner, got the girls ready for bed, and told me to do whatever I needed to do. I just laid in the bed and listened to the sounds of my house running without me being an active participant. If you haven't ever had the chance to do this I strongly recommend it. Immense gratitude comes with a quiet moment to listen to your own life.

Yesterday and today have been much better. These are the bounce back days where the fog lifts and I start to feel human again. I realize how dramatic that sounds, but it's just the truth. Seth calls in the middle of the day and asks what my plan is for dinner. I answer with something snarky like, "well I bought some chicken today". This is my way of saying nothing exciting is happening for dinner.

He doesn't miss a beat and asks if we can put together a picnic and head to Stone Mountain. This is why my husband is an amazing father.

In addition to the typical lovely dad qualities I truly believe that a man who takes care of his wife in turn takes care of his children...and vice versa. If I have learned anything about marriage, that's it. Take care of each other.

Seth knows that doing things like that really lifts my spirits. I love family time and the past few months have been nuts. We have been lacking in that department. Watching my little family walk by the water, climb on rocks, and feel the breeze on a beautiful bridge gave me the kick I needed. Grief has taken a lot from me. Seth gives it all back and then some.

The Big Birthday Post

"The days are long, but the years are short." - G.K. Chaterton

I pulled that quote from The Happiness Project. It runs through my mind repeatedly throughout the day. It's a good reminder for me. While I don't strive to Carpe Diem all the time, I do want to become more consistently aware of my blessings and strive for more happiness all around in my life. It's not so much about being happy or unhappy. It's about slowing down and really enjoying things that make you happy instead of letting them pass by quickly.

I have a feeling you all are beginning to think this happiness stuff is overkill. I get it. To you I say, read the book. If you hate it let me know.

Here is an update on two of my biggest blessings. A month ago we celebrated Lila's fourth birthday and Evie's second birthday. It was the most stress free, enjoyable party yet. Less is more folks! The girls had so much fun, and the threat of rain made it breezy and perfect for a day at the playground.

Lila wants to be so grown up, and yet still spends time in my lap whenever she can. She is a book worm, a rockstar in training, and an amazing big sister. Here are Lila's four year old details as stated by her in a questionnaire I created using a printable from Leelou Blogs...

Evie wants to be so grown up too, but that is almost entirely because of Lila. Evie is fiercely independent, funny, and feisty. While some of the questions were over her head, I asked Evie anyway just to see what she would say. Basically, I just put whatever she said. 

There you have it. This is the low down on my world as I know it. One day we can show Carson that she was literally the center of their world. Until then, I am fine with being a close second.

Holla Hump Day

I'd like to think Geico made this commercial just for Isn't She Lovely...whoot whoot!!!

This week's shout outs go to...

...anyone who read and shared yesterday's blog post or contacted me about it. We can do hard things. 

...my neighbor Christy. In a pinch last week she came over and watched the girls. It's so amazing to have great neighbors!

...the universe for aligning the stars and providing us with a much needed uneventful weekend. Sometimes having nothing to do is just what you didn't know you needed. 

...anyone who has sent me articles or information related to Isn't She Lovely topics. It's a good problem to have when you have a long list going of things you want to write about and discuss. I will get to them all!

...those of you who still send me selfies. I wasn't getting enough to keep doing a full blog post with them every Friday. But, I am working on an idea for using them as I get them. They are important and I love getting them! I challenge you to suit yourself too...I'm going to see if I can get Lila to take a picture of me at the pool today. YIKES!

Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIMMIE!!!

Undone

"You can become everything that once undid you."

I just read that post and pretty much became a puddle. I haven't let myself really dig deep on this and write a post about it because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what people will think. I'm afraid of my girls one day reading it and feeling pain...and animosity towards someone they never got the chance to know. I'm afraid of calling myself out and bringing the ugly to the table. I'm just afraid.

But, I also feel that those who have had full disclosure in their writing about parenting have reaped the benefits of change. They've risen above. Every day I strive for that as a parent and try to leave the baggage behind.

If you read the post linked in that quote you will get a very small glimpse into what is so hard for me to articulate. So please read it before continuing to read this.

"You don’t think about how you can open your mouth and let the sharp side of your tongue tear the innards out of a soul —- and there’s no way you can stuff the whole bloody mess back."

I don't need a disclaimer, but it's going to sound like one anyway. My dad gave me everything. He was generous to a fault and worked hard for us to be able to live an easy life. He was immensely talented and driven. He was also tough. He could make you feel small and less than in a matter of seconds. He had high expectations with less than helpful guidance for reaching them. He could judge harshly and evoke a kind of stress that will never leave my side.

When I became a parent I had high expectations for myself as well. I am educated in the field of child development. I assumed I could do it all. I let the educated part of myself believe that the human part would be pushed out of the picture. In other words, I never once considered I would be like him.

"When you’re upset, you upset what’s really in you."

Then one day after a few small encounters with Lila like the one in Ann's post, I had a sickening feeling. I got panicky and my hands started to sweat. I knew then that there were other forces at work in my path through motherhood. I knew then that I had to fight and SHOW UP and acknowledge that the baggage of my childhood was being dumped at my doorstep...even if I tried to pretend it wasn't.

"It’s like a flashing supernova, the look in a child’s eyes and there’s a flaring mirror and you see you are everything you’d said you’d never become."

I have strong willed kids. This is a good thing. I want that for them. I want them to always believe that they can do anything. Yet for a while I behaved at times like that will needed to be squashed. I could feel myself being quick to anger, expecting too much, and being less than compassionate. I could make a lot of excuses. Everything from Evie as a newborn sucked the life out of me to Lila knowing all of my buttons and pushing them incessantly. But, at the end of the day I have known the frustrating reality. I can be like him. I can be generous and driven. I can also be tough and expect too much.

"How can grace get a hold of you when the past won’t let go of you? How do you leave a legacy different than the one you’ve been left? "

This morning was one of those times. I let the morning get the best of me, and I can freely say I was not a good mom today. Again, there are excuses. I didn't get enough sleep being the biggest one. It's just interesting that after a long, rough morning I come across that blog post. I have the luxury of Katie watching my girls all day. I have spent the better part of the day trying to understand how I can make changes. I'm not writing about this looking for someone to hold my hand or try to make me feel better. Everyone has their baggage. My hope is that if I can acknowledge mine and aim to rise above it, just like Ann, then others will too.

I've come a long way since that first moment of panic. Maybe that's why my posts are very self-helpy these days. I've relied on the intense need to exemplify the good parts of me that are my dad and shake off the bad...to leave a different legacy. I know in his heart he had hoped to do the same, and I believe he made some progress. His tumultuous upbringing is hopefully one day going to be my book baby if that tells you anything. I can't hold it against him, and I can't keep holding it against me either. Becoming a parent shows you just how human and vulnerable you are. It brings out the very best and the very scary that you maybe didn't even know was there. The amazing part is, it gives you the opportunity to be better, to provide and instill better, and to want better for yourself and your kids.

(All quotes in this post are from the blog post by Ann Voskamp linked at the top.)

On Parenting

Guess what? Evie isn't hitting anymore! I was so proud of myself for helping her to curb that nasty habit.

And then she started biting.

She's a feisty one. There's something bizarre about seeing your funny, cuddly, blue eyed baby coming at you like a vampire or an angry dog.

The aggressive behavior always begins with Lila. Evie will test out her backlash on Lila first, and when I least expect it she uses this line of defense on me. Seth fully believes she "got it from somewhere". He keeps asking me where she could have picked it up. It's my current belief that kids are born with a set of reactionary measures. Some kids scream at you and some just cry. Others hit, bite, kick, and push. It's just their gut reaction. If Lila takes something from Evie she's going to be assaulted. It's just the way it is. We work on it and hope that it stays in the family. I can work through it with Lila, but when your kid continually bites another kid not related to them things get dicey...so I've heard anyway.

Dealing with things like this are one of the pitfalls of parenting. Just like everything else, you read and you discuss until you are blue in the face with advice. Then you try to make an educated choice about the "best" way to handle a situation. In the end, you may try three, four, or five things until you reach some sort of solution. That, or you remain consistent until they grow out of it. Regardless, it's all one big, fat guessing game.

On top of this, we are working on weaning from the pacifier. I'm not going to say it's going great. The minute those types of phrases enter the universe you can't take them back. Inevitably, you say something like that and you might as well pretend you never started trying to change a behavior in the first place. It's like saying, "oh look at that child! My daughter will never behave that way". You might as well teach her how to behave poorly because saying something like that means IT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU.

I will say that I'm hopeful for the passy weaning. We are taking the approach that the passies now live in her bed. She can get in her bed and have a "passy break", but they cannot leave her bed. When she wakes up she has to leave them in her bed so that they can "go back to sleep". This has been going on for a week. Some days she takes as many as five passy breaks, and other days she takes one. She will ask for it sometimes when we are in the car or out and about, but I just tell her they are at home in the bed waiting for her to come nap or go to bed. We shall see! She's totally down with it for now.

The bonus is, Lila feels she now needs thumb breaks. Thumb sucking is such a different animal. You can't take a thumb away. With a kid like Lila you can't punish or discuss it because it just makes her want to do it more. I had no idea that weaning Evie would make any difference to Lila. I have noticed she sucks her thumb MUCH less. SCORE!

What difficult habits or behavior issues have you had to really work on and sort out over time? I feel like there have to be so many examples...do tell.

Lean In, Suit Yourself, Show Up

Once upon a time I had the idea to write a book called something like "What She Would Do If No One Was Watching". Maybe I was afraid?

This week has been an overwhelming "Isn't She Lovely" week. My brain has been racing with ideas, dreams, goals, and hopes for this blog, my girls, and myself. For some reason it's all just sloshing around in my head waiting to be sorted out. Maybe it's because I'm reading The Happiness Project and feeling a weird thrill about starting my own. Maybe it's because the person who made me believe I could just write and that would be enough is coming to town, and I will meet her. Maybe it's because I am looking toward a new job opportunity that scares me and makes me more excited about working, outside my home that is, than I have been in a long time. Maybe it's because I'm ready, along with many others, to not be afraid and just make the most of this very short life.

I found that video up there in a link through The Bert Show page on Facebook of all places. If you don't know, The Bert Show is an Atlanta based morning radio show that has been around for quite a while. At times they have driven me crazy. At other times they are brilliant (think Bert's Big Adventure). Recently I heard that they were doing some sort of photo thing called "Suit Yourself" where women are taking a picture of themselves in a bathing suit and posting it to Instagram and Twitter. If I can remember the next time I'm in a suit I'm going to take a picture and post it. EEEEKKKK. Yep, I'm going to do it.

Anyway, the video above was created by author Sheryl Sandburg. Sadly, I haven't read or even heard of  her new book Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. But now it's on my Audible list! I have been perusing the Lean In website and the If You Weren't Afraid blog today. I'm so excited to see more and more of this type of stuff popping up. Maybe with all of these authors forging the way and all of the bloggers, big and small, putting in their two cents in a positive way we can change things. Maybe we can end the mommy wars, mean girls, and general unladylike treatment that continues to plague so many women. I would be happy with a little more love and lot less judgement really.

Here's to a virtual toast. A toast to not being afraid, to leaning in, to suiting ourselves, and to showing up. Cheers!

Holla Hump Day

This week's shout outs go to...

...Katie. She suggested a kid swap day once a week for the summer. My girls go to her house on Tuesdays and the little Beans come to mine on Thursdays. Today was the first day. Granted, she had a four, three, and two year old AND a baby. I had coffee and computer time at Starbucks, a lengthy meeting with a new friend, and a jaunt around town to return things I bought for the mixer that I didn't wear. That's the best part. I can return the favor on Thursday! That Katie is a smart girl.

...Gretchen Rubin. Really though. I can't. express. it. enough. Read The Happiness Project. Even if you are sure you are just the most chipper, put together, glass half full, happy person ever. Read it anyway. Chances are good Gretchen is about to be my new writer BFF who doesn't know she is my BFF. That's ok. I have lots of those. In fact...

...Josie for discovering and then sharing with me that GLENNON MELTON IS COMING TO ATLANTA. This means that I am in fact going to meet one of my writer BFF's that doesn't yet know me. For those going to the book signing too please accept my sincerest apology for whatever scene I may cause. I can't promise I won't cry. Or act like a pre-teen meeting Bieber. For the first time ever I feel like the chance to meet a famous stranger is going to be pretty life changing for me. Or just really cool. Either way, thank you Josie for being so on the ball! It totally made my day.

...my new friends from the Maiedae Mixer. Thank you for your comments and for being so lovely!

Happy hump day!

Do It For You - Reading

In the blog revamp a few months back one of my goals was to make great strides in having discussions about things we do just for ourselves. While it may not seem so, my girls are not the end all and be all of my world. They are little and developmentally self absorbed, as they should be. But, I want them to know over time that mommy is capable of many, many things beyond the most obvious job of parent. I am creative, hard working, and multi-dimensional. If they aren't shown these things about me how will they aspire to be those same things and more?

SO, here's the first of hopefully many posts about what I do for myself...which, in turn, I do for them.

Reading

After Evie was born one of my great passions, reading, fell to the side more than I ever knew it could. Then, one day someone introduced me to Audible and everything changed. Signing up is one of the best choices I have made for myself in a long time. Being that I am in the car and working solo at my super glamorous second job, I have the time to listen to anything I want for hours. That's about all I can do while simultaneously doing my second job. Here's my reading rundown as of today:

Recently Finished

Carry On Warrior - I did not do this one on Audible. This one is close to my heart and I needed her book baby in my hands while I read it. I'm sure I sound like a broken record, but Momastery has been a virtual support group for me in many ways. I admire Glennon and look up to her as a writer and a lovely person.

In The Middle Of

The Happiness Project - I cannot witness enough about this book and this author. You may feel like the happiest person ever, but I'm pretty sure there will still be multiple parts of this book that speak to you. Gretchen Rubin has inspired me to not only start my own happiness project ASAP, but to also read her other books that are totally unrelated like this one and this one.

Cleaning House: A Mom's Twelve Month Experiment to Rid Her Home of Youth Entitlement - This is one that I need to start over. I began reading it forever ago, and it actually crosses my mind every day. The Wussification of America has scared me ever since I began day one of being a teacher. Now that I'm a parent I want to be proactive about teaching my girls that every good thing in life requires hard work and dedication. Kay Wills Wyma gives a practical and detailed approach to losing the entitlement that's washing over the families of this country.

In My queue on Audible

Most of these were suggested by Gretchen Rubin. Just Kids is the one I'm most excited about. It's not about raising kids like the others or like it's title suggests. It sounds faintly similar to one of my all time favorite books, Wonderful Tonight: George Harrison, Eric Clapton, and Me by Pattie Boyd.

Kid/Home/Family related:
Happier at Home - Gretchen Rubin
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk - Faber and Mazlish
Siblings Without Rivarly - Faber and Mazlish
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead - Brene Brown

Caught my eye:
Just Kids - Patti Smith
Let's Explore Diabetes With Owls - David Sedaris

Honestly, I could go on and on in the reading department. Using Audible makes me feel like a kid in a candy store. If I actually get to all of these I will post updates on my thoughts. I realize it's a lot of self-helpy looking reads. I'm good with that. Part of being lovely is changing, educating, and bettering yourself. Plus, I simply feel like a sponge for this stuff lately.

What are you reading? I obviously need some really amazing fiction choices thrown my way. Do share!

Mixing it up...blogger style

Before the mixer selfie just for Isn't She Lovely. 

Thank God for Smilebooth or you would be seeing only the terrible phone pictures!

The drop in blogging last week was due to a fancy little blog mixer I was to attend this past Saturday. In an attempt to dress for the theme, print business cards, and enjoy the first week of summer with my girls, I was a little absent around here. Who knew it could be so hard to figure out how to get all dressed up and spend a night away from home with a good friend?

A few months ago my blog designer, friend, and fellow blogger Meghan approached me with the idea of buying tickets to a mixer for bloggers. I had no clue what that really even meant, but I was pumped. I get to meet other bloggers and go on a mini trip for fun? Yes and yes! The mixer was thrown by two incredibly talented bloggers. Prior to this event I didn't know them or their blogs. Now, I am proud to say I was a part of their mixer. Savannah and Jenny threw a great party. But, more than that they presented a well organized event that is sure to draw even more talented bloggers in the future.

Jenny, Savannah, Meghan, and I. Aren't we lovely?

In my world, you simply cannot go wrong with coffee and cupcakes. Well done Mailchimp and Swift and Finch.

Not only did I get to go to this event, I got to really spend time with Meghan. The mixer was held in Rome, GA. Meghan and I had lunch, got our nails done, lounged around downtown Rome, and had dinner and drinks all before the mixer ever started. For two busy mamas this was quite a treat. We discussed the immense pros and cons of where to buy a house, where to send your kids to school, and bucket list dreams. We also changed dresses/shoes/jewelry until the right mix for the occasion was achieved. Needless to say, all of it was worth the crazytown known as Atlanta DOT to get there.

The entire mixer was "Isn't She Lovely" on overdrive. I met designers, photographers, and artists who also dabble in blogging about their talents and lives. I have to admit I felt a little on the older side. I'm fairly certain I was the only one who fell into the category of "mommy blogger". At first that intimidated me. However, as the night went on I realized it didn't matter what your blogging content was about. What mattered most was learning about women who were all trying to showcase their entrepreneurial spirit and meet others on that path. The "ethereal" theme, flower crowns and all, pushed me out of my comfort zone as well. Meghan and I actually went home with the makings of flower crowns for our girls. Lila sorted the business cards I accumulated from the night and Evie hammed it up for the camera in her crown when I got home. The women I met at this event inspired me more than I can express. Thank you Savannah and Jenny for a beautiful evening with new friends. I came home with new ideas and even bigger goals for this blog. Well done ladies!

Lila making her flower crown while wearing her "Wonder Woman" gift. 

I tried really hard to get good pictures of them in their flower crowns, but they just wiggle so much!

Happy Monday everyone!