Yesterday I told Seth I was having daydreams of lounging on the lake drinking a beer for Memorial Day weekend. I don't have to tell you that I love my life more than anything, but everybody daydreams right? I am fighting off a cold and Seth and I both have what I like to call zombie face. We were just kind of getting through the day yesterday. Seth was watching a string of war movies during nap time and around 4:30 he decided he wanted to go see his cousin Joseph. I decided that sounded better than any other possible Memorial Day weekend plan. So we piled up our little family and took a drive.
Side note - THANK YOU to those of you who told me since the last post that I should have called you to come watch Evie so I could go to the ER with Lila. I knew there were options and I chose not to take them because it was late and Evie was kind of a mess! But next time I will be calling and I hope you know you can call me too ;-)
Mama said there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this my mama said...
What a day yesterday was. I suppose you could say it was just a long day in general. Evie is struggling with reflux and general discomfort with eating that makes her pretty fussy when she's awake. Lila is adjusting to Evie like a champ. But, she also wants to play and be all over the place like any two year old. I'm working on balancing! Seth gives 200% to everything...he works late at his job, he goes to clean for me, and he gets no sleep right along with the rest of us. You could say we are both a little tapped out.
Last night Lila took a tumble in the bath tub and her forehead made an unfortunate connection with the hot water knob. Ironically, the actual tub faucet has a cute whale covering it to avoid such accidents. She and I both realized there was blood streaming down her face and there was a bit of a panic moment. She kept saying "what is it?!?" and I kept telling her it was okay. She calmed down pretty quickly, but head injuries are no joke. I called Seth and he headed home from work immediately. Evie was moments away from witching hour pandemonium.
Seth came home and was feeling pretty strongly that she would need stitches. I had been on and off the phone with a nurse at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta and we just weren't sure. Seth took Lila over to Meg's house (my great friend Meg is a PA as well as our fill in pediatrician) to see if he should then head to the ER. I tried to see if my mom or sister could come over (Seth's mom is out of town) but had no luck. Taking Evie to the ER was just not an option for us. Meg wasn't totally sure about stitches either so Seth and I decided they just needed to go.
Here is where the guilt floodgates opened. I already felt bad the whole thing even happened. And now they were going to the ER without me. My baby was going to a scary place to have something scary done to her and I wasn't even going to be there. In no way do I think Seth isn't capable. I am fully aware that she won't remember or really be concerned with the fact that I wasn't there. But I am her mom. That is where I was supposed to be.
A few hours, three stitches, lots of baby/mommy crying, and a loopy little girl later Seth and I were putting her to bed. This too shall pass. I will get over it...it appears she already has ;-)
She loves the purple band-aid on her face and refuses to take off the hospital bracelets.
Not long after I had Lila I was at a work function and another teacher asked me when number two was coming. I always find it so interesting what people are willing to ask/say. Especially since I was looking at her through shell shocked yet blissful eyes. However, I did tell her I didn't want to wait too long because I wanted them to be close in age. Her reply was, "my dad told me when I got pregnant with my second that one is one, but two is ten". She (and her dad) were right.
While pregnant I often thought how strangely impossible it seemed to take on the task of loving a second child the same way I loved the first. I had nightmares (and still do) about leaving the house with one and not the other. I found myself contemplating life with two like someone would prepare for a career change or a big move.
On the night of May 4th I never really went to sleep. I was in and out until I realized that I was in fact having contractions that were sticking around this time. I had thought about the possibility of things progressing the "normal" way, but dismissed it quickly assuming that induction would again be necessary. When the contractions started getting closer together I decided to get up and clean my house. I mean, previously I really didn't think baby was coming any time soon. Therefore, my house was a disaster. If I was going to have this baby I was going to at least pick up a little for the person that would be hanging with Lila. Plus, it was an unlikely distraction that passed the time quite nicely. Around 4 am I had to stop and just grin and bear it. I called the doctor's office, woke Seth up, and got in the shower. We got to Northside at about 6:30 am and around two pushes later Evelyn Reese was here at 9:53 am. She weighed in at 9 pounds, 14 ounces and measured 22 inches. Some say I am lucky because things went quickly. Others look at me in horror when I mention her weight. I found it all to be pretty status quo for me.
It's a little strange to birth a child that appears identical to the first. It was a little deja vu - ish if that even makes sense...
LILA
EVELYN
Needless to say I actually just got the pictures mixed up and wasn't sure which was which child for a second. They are correct now though :-)
Anyway, we are now blessed with two adorable little girls. Having a baby changes your life. I do think that having two babies is much more dramatic though. Hence the massive delay in blogging (or really anything other than mothering). I need to have a holla hump week just to thank the immense amount of people that have helped me out. I used to be horrible at accepting help. This is no longer the case.
Here is what I have learned so far:
* It's amazing how easy it actually is to love two children with the same amount of passion and intensity. It's also amazing how quickly the mommy guilt doubles with two...on a daily basis. There's just not enough time in the day.
* I am 100% sure I will not leave the house with one and not the other. I have left without brushing my teeth, without diapers for one of them, and got in the car completely unsure of where I meant to go. But at least we all went right?
* If mommyhood is a job then I would say having a second with the first being so young does qualify as a major career change. I am still in the same company but the increased job requirements and level of responsibility would normally dictate a massive raise.
* Sleep is elusive and it gets harder and harder to rock the dark circles under our eyes...
* Baby reflux is just hateful.
* Infants are a cake walk...assuming they aren't accompanied by a toddler.
* Watching my sweet little girl be a big sister is more fulfilling than I ever could have imagined.
There's so much more I could tell, but I have done really well to get this much done! Thank you to Sarah Wise for taking such fantastic pictures for us. I am going to do a more in depth post about Lila turning two and about Evelyn's birth when I get my act together.
I know nothing about performance poetry. I know enough about poetry to know that I love it...but I love writing in all forms really.
A friend of mine posted the below video on Facebook. This poem was the beginning portion of the video. I tried to find it in text format online and apparently it does not exist. So I transcribed it. That's how much I love it. That being said, it's probably all chopped up in the wrong places and I'm sure it's grammatically off. I'm tired and it took me a long time to type it up. This is as good as it gets. I could have just shown you the video, but reading something like this tends to impact me more.
Unfortunately (or fortunately rather), today is a day I say thank you. Lila has tested me a lot today. This video brought me back to Earth. Enjoy.
If I should have a daughter, instead of mom she’s gonna call me point B cause that way she knows that no matter what happens, at least she can always find her way to me.
And I’m gonna paint the solar systems on the backs of her hands so she has to learn the entire universe before she can say “oh I know that like the back of my hand”.
And she’s gonna learn that this life will hit you. hard. in the face.... wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach. But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air.
There is hurt here that cannot be fixed by band-aids or poetry. So the first time she realizes that wonder woman isn’t coming, I’ll make sure she knows she doesn’t have to wear the cape all by herself.
Cause no matter how wide you stretch your fingers your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. Believe me. I’ve tried.
And baby, I’ll tell her... don’t keep your nose up in the air like that. I know that trick. I’ve done it a million times. You’re just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house so you can find the boy who lost everything in a fire to see if you can save him. Or else, find the boy who lit the fire in the first place to see if you can change him.
But I know she will anyway. So instead I’ll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boots nearby because there is no heartbreak that chocolate can’t fix. Ok...there are a few heartbreaks that chocolate can’t fix. But that’s what the rain boots are for. Because rain will wash away everything if you let it.
I want her to look at the world through the underside of a glass bottom boat...to look through a microscope at the galaxies that exist on the pinpoint of a human mind because that’s the way my mom taught me.
That there’ll be days like this, there’ll be days like this, my momma said. When you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises.
When you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you want to save are the ones standing on your cape.
When your boots will fill with rain, and you’ll be up to your knees in disappointment. And those are the very days you have all the more reason to say thank you.
Because there’s nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it’s sent away.
You will put the win in winsome, lose some. You will put the star in starting over and over. And no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life.
And yes, on a scale from one to over trusting I am pretty damn naive. But I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar...it can crumble so easily. But don’t be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it.
Baby, I’ll tell her... remember your mama is a worrier and your papa is a warrior and you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more.
Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things.
And always apologize when you’ve done something wrong, but don’t you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining. Your voice is small but don’t ever stop singing.
And when they finally hand you heartache...when they slip war and hatred under your door and offer you hand outs on street corners of cynicism and defeat...you tell them that they really oughta meet your mother.
