Proof she really is my child

I, of course, remember giving birth to her. I know for a fact she is mine and I thank God for that fact every day. BUT, if you were to see her with her daddy, you would probably say that there isn't an ounce of me in our child. She looks like him, she's sneaky like him, and she's a complete ham like him. She has his feet and his smile and is insanely hot natured like him.

Well, this week we all witnessed the only ounce of me seen in her so far. Please refer to the previous post about my strange obsessive compulsive nature for a full understanding:





PS - THANK YOU TOBY for helping me understand the best way to get a video on my blog. It has been terrorizing me for quite a while.

Holy spread too thin batman

I am a little OCD. Ok. Maybe a lot. But, I don't think I fit the typical characteristics. Here are my symptoms:

1) I put things where they are supposed to go....over and over again....
In other words, I move things around frequently all the while with the mindset that the previous "home" of whatever items I am focused on wasn't the right home and they need to be moved. This would probably be complaint number one from my dear husband.

2) I feel a strong need to do an insane amount of things...sometimes all at once.
In the midst of spring hell I decided to plant a vegetable garden (that was technically Sara's idea), start a photography class, and sew a dress (two or three times because I consistently feel something is wrong with it). Throw in that my tennis team made it to the playoffs and my child is about turn ONE and I am teetering on the edge of my full plate.

3) I feel like nothing is ever clean....like really, EVER.
Due to the time consuming nature of numbers one and two (and being a mommy/wife) the cleaning gets shoved under the rug (hahaha). But, even when I do clean I truly feel like I could do it all day and things still wouldn't be clean. I have convinced myself that everyone with an old house feels that way. I don't want a new house. I love the "feel" of old houses. That is, houses that have character and style and are usually built before 1930. NOT houses like mine that were built in the mid sixties so they look lame and boring but come with the dirt and disaster that the cool old houses have without the charm. Unfortunately, the dirtiness that I can't seem to keep up with probably has way more to do with me/us than it does the house.

There you have it. OCD? A flair for the dramatic? You be the judge.

Thoughts

There were a string of daily thoughts by Real Simple that I posted about for a while there until I began to feel like I was overdoing it.  They were so good and then they kind of started to suck. I am a words person. I love being uplifted by a phrase or a song. Sometimes I have to seek out the inspiration, and sometimes it falls in my lap. Well, this week has been rough. Seth's job is making me want to pull my hair out so the posts have been a little thin this week. In the process, the really amazing daily thoughts have piled up and I need to address them all because they have gotten me through the week:

1) "Where we love is home - home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts." - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

This house drives me crazy. I have such a love, hate relationship with it. We started our family here. We have put a lot of ourselves into it, and we continue to do that now. That is where the hate comes in. I hate that everything seems dirty and old and hard to keep up with. Today, the shelf that holds hanging clothes in our laundry room just fell off the wall. Thank God Lila was taking a nap. I got so frustrated and angry because it seems like things like that are constantly happening. Then I think, the house doesn't matter. It never has and never should. What matters is that we have a home to share the love in.

2) "A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world." - Lois Wyse

I have said it before and it has to be said again. I feel so incredibly lucky for the friends I am blessed to have. Seth will of course be the number one person in my life for the rest of my life. But, there is so much to be said for the women that often get me through the day. You are the key to my sanity in a totally insane world and I cannot thank you enough.

3) "If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep." - Dale Carnegie

This hasn't been an issue for me in a long time. The extreme ironic stress reliever of motherhood is that nine times out of ten, when your head hits the pillow there isn't an ounce of delay in falling asleep. In fact, I find myself smiling at the how motherhood has pretty much cured my insomnia. BUT, every once in a while I still feel the worry set in and this week that has really been the case. I worry about my husband and how he works himself to death. I worry about my students and how they will do on the stupidest test ever created. I worry about the time I spend cleaning and cooking instead of playing with my fabulous little one. But the more you read the more evident it is that stressing makes things worse. So I actually did this one night this week. I was so tired but so stressed that I couldn't go to sleep. I got up, walked around my silent house, and just really appreciated the peace and calmness that my family was feeling in their beds. This daily thought made me feel like it just takes a little stroll around the house at 1 am to get your thoughts in order.

Dear my darling and wonderful daughter...please understand me when I say...

stop.  Seriously, stop. No really, if you keep playing the one for you, one for me game with Molly at mealtime she will not only get fatter, but she will also get greedier.  And nobody likes a begging dog (or a dog that licks the CRAP out of you, but that's just never going to stop). The vet already made us put her on a diet and since she is your best friend and all I am going to need you to STOP FEEDING THE DOG so she can still get around and play with you when you are ten.

up. Hold the bottle/sippy cup UP so that the liquid comes out. Holding it down or laying down to drink is the lazy man's way and we must correct this. Alright, yes. This is my fault one hundred percent. I felt guilty about not breast feeding you for the entire year so I babied you when I fed you. But now I need you to see that mommies make mistakes...work with me here.

wait! Before you shove that piece of dirt in your mouth with lightening speed, wait and let me make sure you won't choke on it! Better yet, can we change this one to stop again? Please stop eating dirt. I feed you. I feed you a lot actually. Granted, you are also feeding Molly. Which further proves my point.

I love you. Like, I really, really, REALLY love you. To the point where I catch myself hardcore staring at you and when you suddenly stare back and smile I seriously feel like I might explode. I hope you know the extent of how much I love you. The thing is, you don't. And you won't until you have a baby one day. I always knew my mom was the best thing that ever happened to me. I always knew that I loved her SO much. I never truly knew how much she loved me until you were born.

Living the life...

....of two overworked parents. That's what we are doing. Seth is obviously way more overworked than I am, but I certainly am not finding a lot of time on my hands. I actually went to my tennis lesson tonight for the first time this season (we only have two matches left). The only reason I went is because we are in first place and I am playing with someone I don't normally play with this weekend.

Unfortunately, I always feel guilty when I go do something during the week without Lila. I feel even more guilty because I know Seth needs to be working. BUT, I almost felt like he wouldn't see her all week so one night of coming home early would have to be ok.

Anyway, these are the things that can happen when both parents work too much (and when they aren't working they want to be hanging out with baby):

- Your yard can start to look like a jungle. We have the nicest looking (and only) jungle on the street. There are really pretty flowers and shrubs that just happen to have about a foot of grass around them.
- Toys can start to appear EVERYWHERE. My feet hit the floor this morning on a jumbo lego. I am amazed I didn't then hit the wall.
- Your poor dog can revert to bad chewing behaviors because you aren't loving on her enough.
- Your child can instantly become covered in dog hair, eat dirt more often, and have stains on her pants from crawling on the dirtiest floor ever.

So, all of this being said, I want to say I'm sorry to our neighbors, our dog, Carson (the Bean's baby that my sister also keeps during the day), and our baby. Thank you for your patience as we try to survive the CRCT and the weeks before pools open. We are aware of the things that need to be done and I promise we are getting there!

*Disclaimer - I realize that I just took time to write this post. I always hate it when I read blogs where the person complains about not having enough time to do something and yet there they sit typing up a storm. In my defense, I am exhausted and the thought of mopping makes me want to barf. This took me five minutes and I did not have to move.

Almost Wordless Wednesday

I just adore this picture. 

LJ is now only a month away from being a year old. This is overwhelming me much more than turning 30. I just want to bottle her up and keep her just like she is in this picture... 

Busy, busy, busy!

*Disclaimer - This post is going to be super long. I have a lot to tell!

First things first. Our spring break trip to West Palm Beach went fantastically well. I mean, Sara was with me, but I would like to think that even if she hadn't been we would have done equally as well. Lila never ceases to amaze me with her flexible, easy going nature. My dad's house isn't exactly baby friendly, but we managed to keep Lila from breaking anything. She really enjoyed their coffee table due to the shelf it has that is very close to the ground. She spent a great deal of time removing everything on the shelf and scattering it around the room. More on that later. We took a little trip to the beach, did some bike riding, checked things out at Tiffany's to make sure it was all still fabulous, and we did an awesome amount of laying around. All in all, just what spring break should be right?

This fantastic spring break has included even more than the trip. I have begun to attempt to make a dress for Lila. I bought what claimed to be an incredibly easy dress pattern on etsy. Yes, it has been fairly easy. However, the size I am doing is 12-18 months and I already know it does not fit. So far I have the top part of the dress completed. In other words I just need to add the skirt. When I tried to put it on Lila the arm holes were too small which means the straps are not long enough. It's just barely not big enough which I should have guessed would happen with my baby! On the plus side I still have a lot of the super cute, very inexpensive fabric I bought at Ikea to try again. I also feel much more confident than when I started so hopefully round two will be much neater. Once I am done with the first attempt I will post a picture in case anyone wants a free little girl dress :-)

Last night I went out with a few girls from high school and it was so much fun. I don't get to see these girls much and they all have kids so it was nice to be surrounded by other moms. That isn't so much the case in my close group of girl friends (yet) so I really appreciated all the baby/kid talk. It's so interesting to see how other moms do things!

Today Super Natural Momma, Renee, held a "Growing a Greener Family" class that I attended. It was really helpful and interesting to say the least.  While I am nowhere near where I would like to be in the spectrum of "going green", I do think I am headed in the right direction. I am purchasing cloth diapers on Monday which I am VERY excited/nervous about. I realized I already do a lot of what Renee talked about which was refreshing. I also found that there are really easy things I could be doing that I am not. For instance, just the types of cleaners that I use in my house could easily change and become cheaper for that matter.

Sara and I have been talking for a while about starting a vegetable garden. I have to admit that this totally overwhelms me. BUT, we got some shovels and started digging. That lasted about twenty minutes until we came across a funnel type pipe that is used to carry the gutter water from the house to the end of the backyard so that the front of the backyard doesn't get flooded. It's not a big deal, but we obviously can't grow right on top of it. So we paused until Seth can lend a hand and tell us how to do this right. Unfortunately, Seth is in spring work hell so you will just have to stay tuned for the possible vegetable garden updates.

Lastly, Seth and I finally got some time to go on a date tonight! We went to dinner and to see the movie Shutter Island. I know my tastes aren't shared by everyone, but I have to say that this movie is 100% my kind of movie. I am not Leo's biggest fan, but I am really shocked that he wasn't nominated for this movie. If you haven't seen it and you like psychological thrillers, this movie is for you!

Alright, now for the "quick" update on the center of my world. I really can't believe that in six weeks I get to be with her like this every day. I truly cannot wait.

1) I am absolutely sure that her real first word is dog. Yes, she says da da da da da all the time and she says ma ma when she is upset, but dog is the real first word in my opinion. She has a book that talks about baby animals and when she grabs it she turns to the big puppy page and says "dogga". Sometimes I think she says it in reference to Molly, and I think I kind of forced it at my dad's with his dog. BUT, yesterday we were in the laundry room and I was folding clothes. She crawled over to the big bag of dog food on the floor, pointed at the picture of the dog on the bag, and said "dogga" again! That cemented it for me. This is no surprise because she is mildly obsessed with dogs.

2) Her other favorite activity, as mentioned above, is what I am going to call object removal. If toys are in a basket, clothes are in a drawer, magazines/books are on a table, or papers are in a nice, neat stack to be filed, she can't stand it. She quickly and with great purpose removes everything until she has scattered it around the room. If you put it back as she takes it out, she quickly goes back and takes it out again. There is no method to the madness. In fact, sometimes she gets so into it things just go flying over her shoulder left and right. It's quite funny (usually).

3) Now we are going to combine numbers one and two. Lila has suddenly realized that if she drops her food on the floor Molly will voraciously eat it. So, mealtime has become the "one for Lila, one for Molly" game. This is a bit surprising considering the bottomless pit she tends to be. It really does puzzle me that she is just giving away so much food. I have tried to stop her and say no and all of that, but she just stares right at me the whole time while gliding her little hand over the edge. She knows she isn't supposed to do it, but she cannot seem stop herself.

Alright, I have written entirely too much in one post! I have great pictures and videos from this week that I will post later on. If you read this whole thing I am so impressed! (thank you for doing so ;-)

This and that

First, while you have all seen it before, I am posting the following picture in this post as an entry to a contest over at communal global. It's a fabulous little blog that I get so much enjoyment out of. Anyway, the contest involves linking a post with a picture that represents my "today". In other words what does my "today" look like. Well, this picture is it. This embodies the wonder, amazement, and glory that comes with being an almost one year old. It also represents everything about every single day of my life that I just can't get enough of....this little, wonderful person.

Next, I need to add a few new finds to the all things baby post I did. I have come across a few websites that I have grown to check as frequently as the others I mentioned. Both will also send you an email if you don't want to have to search them out every time!

www.zulily.com  - I am all about hand-me-downs and consignment sales when it comes to kids clothes. They grow out of them entirely too fast to spend as much money on an outfit as you would for yourself. However, there are times when I like to search out more boutiqueish type clothes (without paying boutique prices). I mean, I have zero sense of style. That being said, I would like to at least give Lila a fighting chance at being stylish and cute. Carter's and Old Navy stuff all starts to look the same to me. SO, I check this website (or they actually send me an email) to see if there are any great outfits that are affordable. Sometimes there are, sometimes there really are not. You can come across great finds here though. They also show other things besides clothes.

www.babysteals.com -  This one is VERY similar to www.babyhalfoff.com.

Moving right along, we will be leaving for my dad's in Palm Beach on Saturday. When I say we I mean Lila, Sara, and I. Seth is in spring mayhem and I won't really see him again until June I think. BUT, I made a whopper of a mistake with this trip and I really am feeling just horrible about it. As a teacher, spring break is like Christmas break only farther away, less work, and more exciting because it means the year is coming to an end. I start thinking about spring break in November (sometimes October). I can't help it. Plus, I always know that Seth will not be able to participate in whatever it is I decide to do. So, I decided it would be a great idea to go see my dad with Lila and my sister. We don't get to go to his house very often and it worked out great. We got a fantastic deal on a flight and I just did it. I planned it forever ago and was so proud of myself.

That is, until I realized that I planned a trip on Easter. Lila's first Easter. Lila's first Easter WITHOUT Seth. I didn't even think about Easter at all when I planned it. It never even crossed my mind. That would be downfall of planning for spring in November. So as it has quickly approached I am feeling really guilty and horrible about this. I mean, she won't be doing any hunting for eggs or decorating them, but that doesn't matter!  My poor, over-worked husband will not be with his family on a holiday.

Really, at this point, there is nothing I can do about this but apologize like crazy. I'm sorry honey. I'm very sorry. Maybe by our third or fourth kid I will be more on top of things again. Ok, that is severely ambitious. BUT, I will try!

Anyway, there will probably be minimal blogging in the coming week. Have a great spring break to anyone who is able to take one.